bumble

Best for the modern gentleman who appreciates a more balanced approach. On Bumble, women make the first move, which takes the pressure off and ensures you’re connecting with women who are genuinely confident and interested. The user base in major cities like Tokyo and Osaka is high-quality and often internationally-minded, making it a great starting point if your Japanese isn’t perfect yet.

The Chrysanthemum and the Sword

Ruth Benedict

This isn’t a dating book. It’s the foundational text that explains the why behind Japanese behavior. Written during WWII to help Americans understand the Japanese mindset, it brilliantly decodes concepts like duty, honor, and shame (‘giri’ and ‘haji’). If you’re serious about understanding her world on a deeper level, you must start here.

The Anatomy of Dependence

Takeo Doi (土居健郎)

If ‘The Chrysanthemum and the Sword’ explains the ‘how’ of Japanese society, this book explains the ‘why’ of their personal relationships. It’s a deep dive into the core concept of ‘Amae’ (indulgent dependency), which is the key to understanding intimacy and connection in Japan. A challenging but incredibly rewarding read.